More of the same...

I had a good friend of mine ask me last night where I have been hiding. He was a little worried about me. It seems I haven't 'blogged' in quite some time... well... at least it's been a while in comparison to how often I usually cast my thoughts into the endless electronic abyss. No need to worry, friends, I am alive and well. Just busy. Today, however, as I am confined to eight hours in the admissions office of the nursing home that employs me, I thought I would write a little of what I have been thinking of lately. Shocked?? I thought not.
I realize that the majority of my entries are about faith, love, or the lack there of and this entry will be no different. Sorry to all my male readers... and by "all my male readers", I mean Christian.

Ok, my thoughts...
Speaking from personal experience, I know that most single women hyperventilate or break out into hives when it comes to something like buying tires or killing the far-too-large multi-legged insect on the ceiling. Single women like to go out on the town, but not if they will be going out on the town with not-so-single women and their counterparts. If we choose the "safe bet" and stay home alone to watch TV, even that is no escape. On any given night, on any given channel, popular television will have more sexual innuendo than any one person needs to indulge in, in an entire lifetime (let alone half an hour!) Let's face it...couples are in, and singleness is out. It's that way in 2005 and it's been that way since the Garden. Adam was blessed with Eve because our Creator knew that it was not good for man to be alone. Unfortunately, my rib-providing man appears to be nowhere on the horizon.

Coping with singleness is pretty much an everyday thing. You simply have to take it one day at a time. You learn to deal with the situation at hand and go on with your lives... still waiting for "the one." There are times when you're doing great. Thankful that you aren't spending every weekend with your nose in the 3-inch thick Martha Stewart wedding planner portfolio and very aware that you can sleep till noon on Saturdays if you want. It is only when you're riding high on the singles wave when that wedding invitation from a "friend" arrives in the mail. You know what I'm talking about! The "friend" you knew would never get married. Now, they are not only getting married, but they are getting married before you even start dating! Mixed with disappointment, resentment, anger, and yes, I'll admit it, jealousy, you trudge to the local Walgreens to find a card to represent your "elation" (translationon: joy covered hatred). In your own selfish pain, you actually buy the mushiest card available because you still hold tight to the knowledge that your prince or princess will soon be arriving on the scene. You go to the ceremony (alone, mind you) and deep down you really are happy for your friend. Granted, a little sad that it isn't you, but you know that once you find your mate, your match, your "one"... you'll be fine. For every Jill there is a Jack. For every Santa there is a Mrs. Claus. A friend of mine often states that her "Mr. Right" is obviously lost and won't stop for directions. I'm working under the assumption that mine is with hers. Anyway... after the surprisinglyly nice reception, you revise your "They'll never beat me down the aisle" list and confidently forge the road ahead. It is upon the realization that you are sitting in your living room (with your one cat that will no doubt soon multiply into 20) living out the stereotypical old-maid role you never intended to play, that you slip into the deppressing, self-loathing role of Adult Single. Reality Check!

Herein lies the problem... while nearly all singles have bought into the idea that a spouse would complete them, no man or woman on earth can fulfill all our needs and desires. Now I know we know that in our minds, but try explaining that to me when there is a far-too-large multi-legged insect on my ceiling. Although the truth of the "God-shaped hole" seems to permeate my life, I still get caught up in the worldy message of "Coupled and Complete". Foolish Foolish me. Here's the thing, there are so many opportunities to utilize in this season of life. The season of singlenessss, that is. I let most, if not all, of those opportunities fall through the cracks because, quite honestly, my pity party gets in the way. I have the "gift" (*slight eye roll*) of singleness, but that doesn't lessen the pain of too many lonely days and longing for a shoulder to rest upon in the quiet hours of a dark night. Sometimes, it seems we have been alone forever. We are desperate for someone to love and to love us back. At times, I find myself relating to the concept of "Well, they aren't so bad." But I want more for my life... and shouldn't we all?

It comes down to the fact that we have to truly want to experience God's best for us and choose to strive for nothing less. I know it's not easy. Actually, I know it's downright hard. But, I also know that His best for us is not dating the "not so bad". It is not us reading less-than-uplifting romance novels or mindlessly watching TV dramas, wishing the fantasy world that appears before us will soon be ours. I think the key is to choose...this minute...to catch the vision of what our purpose really is. Being single can, of course, be hard, depressing, and even extremely unpleasant at times, but if we step away from the "woe is me" mentality, there are so many incredible blessings and opportunities to explore. We have to learn to truly recognize the glass as half full. I've discovered that while finding my "happily ever after" is important to me, it really is not the primary reason for my existence.

So... for those just stepping out into adulthood alone, open your hearts and your minds to embrace Christ through it all. Because what I have learned is that the gift of singleness is in fact a gift. It's the love that surrounds us but so often gets displaced by our fast paced lives and images of grandeur. Although singleness appears to be a cross to bear, we all are daily called to pick up our cross and follow Christ. The comfort in this is that the Lord promises that His yoke is easy. He promises His burden is light. So, when singleness becomes too heavy to bear. Stop. Lay it down. Give it up.

I'm not saying this will relieve you of all feelings of lonliness, or take away for good the longing for companionship, but the days may suddenly seem far less lonely and the nights less dark. And...somehow...that 8-legged monster on the ceiling is not so difficult to squash.

Blessings,
Tempa