thoughts on being single...

It's funny...6 days out of 7, I don't even think about the fact that I am single. But if you catch me on that one fateful day... I will inevitably be moping about the probability of me becoming one of those old women who live in a run-down townhome with 30 cats and end up eating graham crackers and cake frosting for every meal. If you are lucky enough to talk to me on that one day... who knows how I will react to my perpetual state of 'spinster'.

The struggles of singleness are real, and, might I add, significant. Being single in a world designed for companionship can easily bring pain. I find myself fighting the feelings of unsettledness, tempted to wonder when it will be my time for the church wedding, white picket fence and 2.5 children. I find myself wondering if, in fact, it will be "my time" at all. As I cradle the babies of friends and coworkers, I am filled with deep longings to have my own. I, by my lonesome, attend church services, company parties and social events populated by couples and feel the all-too-familiar stabs of aloneness. I get weary of waking up to the empty half of my queen size bed. I'm not gonna lie... I often find myself battling the loneliness of not having a constant, committed companion.

Trudging through the trenches of singleness takes perseverance. Sometimes it’s perseverance soley brought on by obedience. I choose to believe that God has put me where I am at this point in my life... and then I choose to live in obedience to Him. Although, like Noah and many others we've read about in Scripture, I’m not content to seemingly be yanked into line by God's disciplinary hand. I’d rather hold that hand and walk, in trust, next to Him. I want to press on because walking a difficult road is an opportunity to be a little closer to Christ. God knows, however, that regardless of how much I want to walk with Him, there will be stretches of road when I’ll loosen my grip on His hand. My walk with God will be more like a stumble or... if we're being honest... a flat-on-my-face plummet. Those places on the journey are often when I am struggling with singleness the most. It’s in those times that I need to take a step back and remind myself of some really practical reasons why God might have routed my journey this way. I’m not pretending to know the reasons why I’m still single, but I do know that even in the hardest of situations, God often gives us tiny glimpses into some good things He’s doing. Backing away and forcing myself to see the positive helps me to move forward in spite of the negative. For this reason, I have often been called an "eternal optimist", but I like to think of it as Faith. A walking on water kind of faith.

We have all heard the familiar story of Peter and his walk on the waves. As the violent storm tossed their boat about the water, Peter and his 11 friends were visited by Christ. "Do not be afriad, It is I", Jesus told the men. Those words calmed the inner-storm of the 12 men in the boat that night. The presence of Christ gave them the hope that they will make it through the terrible storm, but Peter was not content with just making it through. “Lord, if it’s you…tell me to come to you on the water". The stormy waters became his platform to get closer to Jesus. They paved the way for an unbelievable experience, an incredible walk of faith that catapulted him into uncharted waters (no pun intended). It’s amazing to me that none of Peter’s friends hopped out of the boat to join him. Maybe they didn’t think it would work for them, maybe their heads were burried too far between their knees, or maybe they just weren’t willing to loosen their whitened knuckles from the familiar grip on the boat. I don't know why they didn't follow in Peter's footsteps, but I do know that they missed out on a miracle. Because they stayed in that boat, they missed out on the blessing and the thrill of experiencing extreme closeness with Christ.

For me, being single is a platform, a wave to walk out on instead of a storm to wait out. I'm not saying that I don't still long for companionship... because, believe me, I do... but I am saying that this time in my life can be used. I can be as productive now as I would be with the white picket fence and 2.5 children. Those days when I find myself contemplating kittens and cake frosting... I need to realize that the pain I am experiencing today, the journey I am on RIGHT NOW, is only drawing me closer to the one who put me there in the first place.

In closing (finally! This entry turned out to be far longer than I thought it would!!), learning to have a walk on water kind of faith transforms what looks like a storm into an adventure, an opportunity. It takes a little more work and definitely more trust... mind you, it’s far easier to sit in the boat until the storm blows over. But, much like Peter's seafaring buddies, if you stay in the boat... you’re missing the best part of the trip.

Goodnight friends,
Tempa