Fear... who needs it.

Hi friends,

I have just returned from an eventful wedding weekend in Iowa. A good friend got himself a wifey this weekend and it was a joy to share in that experience. Like I said in a previous blog entry, however, his wedding was a bittersweet reminder that I am no where NEAR a wedding of my own. As I sat in the creaking wooden pew of a Catholic church this weekend, my realizations were two-fold.
1) Catholic weddings are far longer than need be
2) Being single, I find myself fearful of many things

In this life, we all have certain fears. As toddlers, we are afraid of the dark and the lack of training wheels. We get older and those fears fade into new fears... things like thunderstorms, snakes, and spiders. Life keeps trudging forward and we find ourselves fearing things like the unknown after graduation or leaving the comfort of our own home. Now, I find myself facing not only the life-long fear of fog (don't ask... just read), but also some fears I credit to being single. These fears are not knee-knocking, palm-sweating, tear-jerking fears like some others may be, but instead they usually persist as a faint churning in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid of always being "that girl" in a crowd of couples. I'm afraid of missed opportunities and blown chances. I'm afraid of receiving yet another "Tempa and Guest" invitation and having to reply with a 1 on the Number Attending line. I'm afraid of doing my taxes, paying a mortgage, and planning my retirement by myself. I'm afraid of close friends moving on after they have found "the one", leaving me alone...again. In a sentence, although I am a bit ashamed to admit it, I'm afraid I'll never get married. Go ahead and mock me, if you wish, but I know you've all feared the same thing at some point.

On the long drive home from the reception, I found myself in a conversation about fear. Granted, this was more along the lines of haunted-house-spirits-from-the-other-side kind of fear, but it relates. As we were spooking ourselves out along highway 380, a friend reminded me of the message of the Bible. The message that perfect love drives out fear. (1st John 4:18) Since the fall in the Garden, fear has had the tendency to overtake our minds and leave us motionless. As one of Satans key weapons, fear threatens to destroy contentment. The message of the Bible, however, is that our hope and faith in Jesus drives out all fear. At times, I find it difficult for me to see the happiness of others and remain confident that a similar source of contentment will also come my way. It is easy to witness the union of friends and let your mind wander. You start at joy, then envy, then self-pity, then fear. It is only through Christ that fear is driven out and we remain, no matter how lengthy the wedding, at joy.

Goodnight,
Tempa