What Men need to know about Women

Hi everyone,
I thought I would come to the keyboard tonight with something very intellectual to talk about, but as I sit and type I am slowly realizing that may not be the case. However, I do have something rather important to say. Over the past few days, I have listened to many a male friend talk (and by talk I mean complain) about how they don't understand women. I realize that we can be a complicated breed, but if you'd just pay attention it wouldn't be that hard!! Because I am all about helping people out, I thought I would write this blog for the boys. Here are a few things you need to know about us girls. Now, this is by no means a complete list and every woman is, of course, different than the one before... but this list should give you a good understanding of where we are so often coming from. So guys... put down your I-pods and Xbox controllers for just one second and pay attention!!

Women are not as independent as you are.
Let's be honest, you love the mystery of the rugged woodsman. The 'Malboro Man', although outdated, intrigues you. Sure, it's cliche, but it's true... you can't help but envy the tough-minded, lone cowboy who reports to nobody as he freely rides about the range. However, women, for the most part couldn't give a horse's hoo-hah about reveling in their independence. Granted, we enjoy the idea of the self-sufficient, do-it-yourself, don't-need-nobody kind of woman, but when that idea manifests itself into reality, it's a little frightening. Just as we are threatened by a challenge to our independence (aka: You, hinting at the fact that we can't do something), so are women threatened by a rupture in their relationships (aka: You, hinting at the fact you'd like some 'alone time'). What I'm saying is don't expect women to fully accept your "need for space." Don't expect us to romanticize your independence because your independence ultimately means our lack of relationship and that, boys, is far from romantic. Instead, do yourself (and your relationship) a favor...bite the bullet and let them know you value the relationship even when you feel the need to "ride the range".

Women focus on the here-and-now more than you do.
Now, that is not entirely true when it comes to planning for our fairy tale wedding with our fairy tale prince. We start that by age five, at least. BUT while you guys are scheming plans and solving complex budget problems in order to plan for a better tomorrow, we are more than likely asking ourselves, "What's going on right now and how do I feel about it?" As women, we focus on current feelings and current experiences because those are what make us feel emotionally connected to one another. Although we do think towards the future when it comes to our personal lives (albeit those thoughts are usually less than realistic), we are more than likely thinking about how we are affected by what is happening right now. The bottom line is that if you want to get down to solving problems for the future with the women in your life, you must first take the time to explore her feelings about the present. Seemingly foolish, I know... but necessary.

Women are not as competitive as you are.
Growing up, boys played games in large groups and those games had an extreme emphasis on winning. Competition, might as well be your middle name. Little girls, however, played together in small, intimate groups, with an emphasis on cooperation and friendship. Our middle names would be something like "harmony" or "togetherness". More often than not those same emphases follows both genders into adulthood. As men, you still want to prove your point, keep score, and win the debate (even if no one else knew they were debating) while women are more likely to sacrifice their own superiority to keep the peace. Women, more often than not, will bow out gracefully if it will avoid any type of confrontation. It's not that one mode is necessarily better than the other; they both definitely have their strengths and weaknesses. But, you should know this... although some women find that competitive spirit a bit attractive at times, it should not be a dominant character trait. Too much competition can easily make a woman (anyone for that matter) feel insuperior and that is never a good feeling. Again... a bottom line... if you want to build a healthy relationship you have to honor our cooperative nature. Pick your battles and realize that not everything is a Win or Lose kinda thing.

Lastly...
All we really want is to be loved.
I realize that sounds so cliche and borderline ridiculous, but even if we don't admit to it or put up a concrete facade to the contrary... it is very, very true. We can act as if being alone is fine... we can pretend that we are completely content with our romantic comedies and our low-fat vanilla latte's, but that is just not the case. Companionship, in it's purest form, is what we all seek. We want a dozen roses delivered to work, just because it's Monday. We want pointless messages on our voice mail beginning with "It's me" and ending with "I love you". We want night's out to be just as special as night's in. In reality, the only thing that you guys need to know about us is that, above all else, we want to love and be loved. And, now that I think about it, that's not all that different from you.

Slumber calls,
Tempa