Comedy at it's finest....or something

Hey Hey! It's been a while since we've last talked... and by "we've last talked"... I mean I've talked and you've listened. But, in my defense, I do have a good excuse. Between work, my best friend's upcoming nuptials, all the new fall activities starting up, AND somehow contracting bronchitis... I've been swamped. But... luckily (or unfortunately, however you want to look at it) for you... I have found just enough time to type out a small, yet meaningful, blog entry tonight before my weary head hits the cold pillow that awaits me in my bedroom.

Tonight, I went downtown with a friend to the comedy club. Now, for those of you who know me... you know that I love to make people laugh and more than that, I love to laugh myself. So, a Saturday night with friends at a comedy club is pretty much perfect. Add in a cold glass of raspberry iced tea and a tall, dark, and handsome man who happens to call me his lady and you've got yourself my personal utopia. But I digress...While watching Paul F. Tomkins (of 'Best Week Ever' fame) do his stand up routine, I thought to myself "Self, that must be an AWESOME job!" Just standing up (no pun intended) and talking while making people laugh so hard they very nearly wet themselves. I would LOVE that. This comedy club has an amateur night every Monday and I am kind of considering trying that out. Granted, I would go see a few first, but I think I'd do Ok. People laugh at what I say. My whole life people have told me I was funny and although the smart-ass's usually follow that quasi-compliment with "yeah, funny looking", I can still make them laugh. I know exactly what my bits would be about to. Let me outline them for you...

I would definitely gear most of my stand up act to people in my peer group. Those 35 and up need not attend. First, I would talk about all the different kinds of drunks one encounters during the college years. You know... the "flirtatious touchers" who start a conversation in a chair across the room and somehow end up with their hand on your leg while playing with your hair. Or there's "Mr. Philosophical"... who, while intoxicated, is able to speak eloquently about any and every topic. The one who is dumb as a rock and sleeps during class, but, due to a few too many bottles of Rolling Rock, is somehow able to have in depth opinions about politics and religion. Then... the worst of them all... there is the "close talker". The reasons I hate this drunk are two-fold. A-This person more than likely has silently sat behind you in Biology 201 for the last 5 months, but only NOW finds it necessary to start up a conversation....B- She finds the need to have this incredibly pointless conversation while placing her mouth at a maximum of 2 inches from your inner ear canal causing one whole side of your newly washed hair to inevitably reek of Budweiser. Damn, that close talker!!
I would also have some joke about how my generation watched FAR too much television as children; telling the story about how my sophomore year roommate and I had a 45 minute conversation ONLY using quotes from various episodes of 'Full House' as a prime example. Somehow, after that ridiculous (but sooo true!) story, I would transition into how we had some crazy messed up toys as kids. I mean, think about it. The toys we held most dear are CREEPY as hell when you look at what they really were. Teddy Ruxpin- a small, fur-covered, plasticy teddy bear in which cassette tapes would be inserted into his belly in order for his mouth to move and tell a story. Basically... a forest themed version of Chucky. Also... the "Glow-worm"... whose dumbass idea was it to give their kid a giant slug dressed as Rip Van Winkle that lights up when you hug it. That is creepy. And, of course, Popples. Look Johnny, my soccer ball turns into a small creature with devil eyes and a horse tail! What did you get for Christmas?!?
I'd somehow transition that into talking about computers and talk about the idea of different fonts. Like.. the whole reason there are fonts in the 1st place is to attempt to convey emotions and attitudes through your writing. That is all well and good, but what if we talked in "fonts". I would, of course, pick some of the most known and funny fonts to convert into words and probably make myself laugh faaaaaaaaar harder than anyone who may be listening.

Ok... well, that's pretty much my stand up routine in a nut-shell. I realize it is much funnier in my head, but at least I know I'd be laughing. Now that that took much longer than I thought it would, that weary head I mentioned earlier is much wearier and that cold pillow that awaits me is currently the perfect temperature. Maybe when I get there I'll dream about that tall, dark and handsome who happens to call me his lady :)

Goodnight all,
Tempa