thoughts...

It has been quite a while since I've found myself in front of this screen and it's a little hard to believe it's already been a year since I started this little gateway to my soul. My how time flies. I have just returned home from a movie with a friend and am feeling somewhat drawn to write tonight. I don't think I have anything specific to write about, per se... I am just feeling compelled to write. So, my friends, that is what I will do...

Have you ever been traveling down the highway and suddenly realize you have no recollection of how you arrived at your destination? As if the past forty miles were somehow nonexistent? It leaves you with a feeling of uneasy accomplishment. Proud that you have come to the end of your journey, yet apprehensive about the fact you have no memory of the journey in the first place. Tonight, as Alicia and I sat teary-eyed watching "The Sisterhood of the traveling Pants" (a movie, by the way, that I would highly recommend), the ominous wave of uneasy accomplishment hit me like a 16-wheel Mack truck. Here I am 23 years old, living in Minneapolis, starting up this whole new adult life … and I have absolutely no idea how I got here.

I mean... I drove here... from Ohio... I know that part... but how did I GET here?! What paths in my life did I choose to take and moreso what would have changed if I had chosen differently? What decisions in my life had direct effect on the outcome of my life at this point? I wonder if I had never moved to Chicago from Kentucky... where would I be? If I had never quit softball and joined a choir... who would I be? If I had chosen to study english or psychology or something else that I had a small amount of passion for instead of choosing the one thing thing that seemingly defined passion... what would I be doing?? It's not that I am unhappy where I am or that I want something more... it's just that I wish I would have noticed the ride that got me here. It's as if I have waited my whole life for my life to start, but while I was waiting for it... I missed actually living it.

Maybe it was the over-romanticized chick flick, maybe it was the feel of approaching summer... but whatever it was has left me numb tonight in this state of uneasy accomplishment. What ever it was has propelled me to live my life instead of wait for it, to pay attention to the road ahead as I travel on this journey. Above all else, whatever has left me numb tonight, will only allow me to feel tomorrow.

Goodnight~
Tempa