Whirlwind Weekend

Hello friends,

Wow. I have just returned from quite a whirlwind weekend (hence the title of this weblog!) I spent the last four days in Cedar Falls running around to job interviews galore. They all went well and I had a wonderful time with the best people in the world. I look forward to hopefully being offered one of the jobs I interviewed for and starting a life much like the last four days have been. But, I am still uncertain when, or if at all, that is going to happen. So, for now, I will sit in this computer chair at a place I no longer want to live and fight to keep out the harsh reality of the fact that I am back where I don't want to be.

The last week or so of the month is always an emotional one for me. Again, the fault of genetics and the lovely X chromosome. But for some reason, these last weeks of January have been tough. I lost my job and, somehow, with it the dream of a life established was lost as well. I had always thought I'd be somewhere by now. Married or dating or successfully corporate. I had always thought that by the age of 24 I would be established... at least employed. I know it sounds ridiculously dramatic (and, in all honesty, when I read back over this entry in a week or so I will surely realize that it is) but when I lost my job here in the Twin Cities, my path went with it. In life... we have milestones... drivers license, highschool graduation, college graduation, one's first job, marriage, children...etc. I rushed past the first few milestones with flying colors and until recently, I had thought I was well on my way to the next. Now, however, I have to back-track. No one ever prepares you to re-do milestones. A milestone, by definition, is something that is exciting and new when you reach it. It is neither new nor exciting when you have to travel backwards to reach it again. In fact, it's frustrating. Really frustrating.


Ironically, spending time with my best friends didn't really improve my uncharacteristically fragile emotional state. Don't get me wrong. I love them. I would spend time with them at the drop of a hat, but their milestones are different than mine. They've hit a few more than I have and as wonderful as that is, as much as I love them, as selfish as this may sound... spending time with people who are in love, have jobs they love, and have lives they love...spending time with people who have their lives on the right path makes it even more apparent to me that I do not. And yes... I realize that in the big picture,my life is right where it needs to be. Milestones will pass when the Lord has planned for them to pass. I am redoing this one because I need to. There is somewhere else I need to be right now and I realize that 100%. I know that is true. I know that the Lord has promised good to me, but it's hard for me not to know where that good is going to come from. It is harder still to sit and wait all the while knowing that very fact is not mine to know.

For now, dear friends, I will be still and wait. I won't tell you that it is going to be easy, because there is no use in lying to you (or myself!) I will sit and wait and strugle to be ok with the fact that I am left sitting and waiting...

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways" Psalm 37:7