Thoughts on a Winters night

Hello friends,

Tonight, I come to you in front of an unusually bright computer screen on an unusually warm winters night. I sit confused and contradicted by all I think I know. It's pretty amazing, whenever I think I have it all figured out, life goes and throws me for a loop. Whenever I think I am on the right track... I am ripped away, strapped into another chair, and "while keeping my arms and legs inside the cart at all times" I am sent whirling and twirling on the ride we call life. I'm not really worried, however, about my sudden lack of confidence in the path my life has taken. I just seem to be experiencing what I like to call a "human moment". One of those moments in life that our mortal doubting nature overshadows the omnipotence of the Lord. It happens to the best of us.. Heck, it happens to the worst of us... And it just so happens that it is happening to me tonight. I'm sure it doesn't help that I have worked a total of 73 hours in the past week and I'm about to be greeted by the lovely "lady of the month", thanks to the X's and Y's from my parents that made me into a woman.

It's a strange phenomena, this "lady of the month". She rolls in twelve times a year, makes herself comfortable for 3-5 days bringing with her a cloak of over-emotional sappiness and short-tempered hostility, all the while causing a stir that even the hostess can not figure out. I gotta be honest with you, I don't remember always being like this. My ability to be affected by this unpleasant, yet necessary, monthly visitor seems to have gotten worse in the last couple years. To be honest, I can't remember a time where I even noticed a change in my overall demeanor. I used to think I was immune to everything. I'm not allergic to anything, I never puked, I never cried, I never had cramps, I rarely got a cold. Whatever it was... it certainly couldn't take me down. But, in the last year alone, I've thrown up twice, gotten bronchitis, had two of the world's worst colds and, to top that off, it seems I am somehow getting far more papercuts at work than I ever remember before. Now, 3 or 4 days before the courses of nature assure me that I am in fact not carrying a human life in my uterus... I find myself getting angry at my TiVo and crying crocodile tears along with the Jessica Simpson Christmas album. The weirdest thing to me is that I am 100% aware of the whole thing. Bizzaro-world!! It's either like being a six year old or like being on drugs. I mean, I know the TiVo didn't forget to tape Oprah on purpose, but I still have the undeniable urge to propel it, with great force, though the picture window in my living room! Sure, it's weird and uncharacteristic, but above all else... it's just annoying. I turn into this crazy irritable cry-fest of a woman... the very type of woman that I despise, in fact. Anyway... annoying!

I guess it could be that I had some time away from work (works, I guess) last week and this week seemed unbearably long in comparison. Don't get me wrong, days off are good, but they tend to lend me far too much time to think about what needs to be done. Then I have to go back to work the next day in this half-relaxed half-wishing-I-had-another-day-off-to-finish-all-the-things-I-thought-off haze. Nobody likes an at-work haze. Nobody.

It's just crazy this season. Being the girl that I was created to be, I am trying to do everything at once. I'm juggling two jobs (one of which I don't really need, but just got to make myself feel like less of a lazyass douchebag), attempting to keep a clean home, starting to write my Christmas cards, making crafty gifts for friends, finding time to complete my daily devotionals, and all the while trying my hardest to get in at least six hours of sleep each night only to attack the next day like a hungry mountain lion. I can't say it's not a blessing to be exhausted from doing too much, though. I mean, I have two jobs when others don't have any. I have a home to clean and friends to celebrate the upcoming holidays with. I have the freedom to devote my time to Christ and a warm bed to retire to every evening. I just wish... in addition to all that is great in my life right now... I had just a few extra hours at my leisure.

Oh sweet mystery of time. How do I loathe thee?

Goodnight, friends.
TEH