Good morning,

It's odd typing to you in the morning and not in the late hours of darkness. I have the day off of work, so I thought I would take advantage of the situation. This morning, I awoke to the sound of my cell phone ringing "Tap Dance" and saw that it was Kate calling. She felt bad about ripping me from my child-like slumber, but soon realized that it is overdue retribution for the many times I did the same thing to her during college. Funny Stuff.

Lately, I have been noticing all the odd (and annoying) ways people draw attention to themselves. You know what I am talking about... how some people wear clothes that are too tight, too bright, too short, too big... how people dye their hair colors that are far from natural... how some people spend hours at the local Gold's Gym to sculpt the perfect "look at me" body... and how others just pierce and tattoo the crap out of the perfectly good body they already had. They are all attention-getters. Granted, the majority of us however, don’t do anything radical. Instead, we simply find interesting things about ourselves and use them to our advantage when necessary. It could be as simple as stating an off-color opinion during a heated discussion or as intricate as shelling out thousands of dollars for an endangered monkey or a Puggle. It is only when things like this fail, that people bring out the big guns. It is at that point that people call upontheirrdeficienciess. Now, working in a healthcare field has given me the opportunity to learn about many different ailments, but it’s down-right disgusting to hear all of the different abnormalities that come out of a simple break room lunch discussion.

It starts out innocent enough... Randy might mention, in passing, that he has a mild peanut allergy. Then Evelyn will chime in with the fact that in addition to peanuts, she is allergic to all legumes. After two have mentioned their odd yet intriguing ailments, the childish game of "My dad's better than your dad" begins. Haley will call upon her lactose intolerance, Josh might throw in that he gets the runs if he eats wheat bread. I, of course, always make a point to mention the fact that my face once inflated like a beach ball because of the pesticides on Florida Oranges. The conversation between coworkers quickly progresses to things like accidents resulting in surgery, pregnancy woes, and diagnosed mental disorders. I have found that doctors and nurses often claim to have had learning disabilities as children, while those in the business office pull out the lisp or lazy-eye card. Without a doubt, someone will eventually mention how his best friend's sister's boyfriend's cousin's uncle was hospitalized for a tumor that they later realized was actually his twin.

The other day when I was working at the coffee shop, an older (although still quite burly) man entered and asked if we had anything that wasn't made of chocolate, coffee, or sugar. "I'm on a special diet," he said "Can't have chocolate. Coffee. Or Sugar." He went on to tell me all about WHY he was set up on such a specific diet and for how long he was instructed to stay that way: Severirritableal bowel syndrome and 6 months. Although I was tempted to ask him why he came to a coffee shop for something that didn't include any of the ingredients that coffee shops are famous for... I simply explained to him that we had many juice and tea options... lest he forget about the option of a tall glass of water. I felt bad for the burly man. In that case, his incredibly specific ailments needed to be broadcast to a complete stranger behind the counter... not to mention the few thirsty customers who had formed a line behind him during his "special diet" saga. In the end, I gave the man (whose name, I was told, is Marty) a medium skim sugar-free no-whip hazelnut steamer.

In further (and probablunnecessaryry) thought, I wonder why these foolish ailmentexistst in the first place. Are they Biblical? Are they the result of human or technological evolution? Or... did God create things like IBS and Peanut Allergies during a light-hearted conversation with John the Baptist ovemediumim skim sugar-free no-whip hazelnut steamers?

Have a great day,
tempa :)