My Little World

Friends,

Tonight, I don't have much to say. I'm not very eloquent when it comes to unimaginable destruction and devastation. Faith, love, and celebrity gossip... sure. Horrific tragedy, not so much.

Since my alarm began abruptly buzzing at 6:18AM this morning, I have been bombarded with memories of this day five years ago. News stories, artsy photograph slide-shows, voice recordings of the now deceased... I managed to avoid most of the coverage. I made a playlist of MP3's instead of tuning into the local morning show. I chose Saved By The Bell over the Today Show on NBC. I did all I could to not be reminded of the fact that it is September 11th.

It's not the day itself that affects me. Sure, it's the eleventh day of the ninth month of the year... and something terrible happened on this same day less than a decade ago... I get that...But up until tonight's presidential address I was running away from the truth.

The truth that this world is so much bigger than I will ever be.

The truth that the plan for this immeasurably large world is something I will never understand.

The truth that scares me more than anything.

It is as if we (myself included) live in two worlds at once. The big world and the little world....and we (myself included) are infinitely more interested in our own little worlds. Our own problems, our own money, our own Ipods and SUV's... our own self. We are a self-propelled society moving within a larger realm... a realm in which we only see on the higher channels of our satellite TV's. I've said it before... it's the pursuit of comfort and ease, not happiness. When we are reminded of the events that took place in Manhattan five years ago we realize that comfort and ease, as we knew them, will never be the same.

This nation-shaking event has torn open the seam of my little world wide enough to realize that I am not the only one here and in the process of looking back at what I have left behind, I am astounded at how small and somewhat suffocating that little world actually was.

The New York air, though still filled with debris and aftermath, is far more fresh than any I have inhaled in my little world.

And I will continue to breathe.