Random thoughts before Halloween...

Hi there,

It's been a while since my last post. Hard to believe I've had this blog for a year and a half already. I don't think I've stuck with anything for a year and a half!! Speaking of movies that sucked... I saw 'Prime' last night. I had high hopes for that one. Uma, Meryl, ridiculously hot guy from TV shows, funny premise, good punch lines...Etc. All the makings for a pretty good romantic comedy... Until you get to the crappily thought out, un-specific, drop-off ending that renders you motionless in the wake of the disappointing cinematic finale you've just witnessed. It's one of those movies in which you watch the last 5 minutes with every hope that you will see the romantic leads living in a three bedroom bungalow in the burps, or at the very least see the romantic leads living completely separate lives after an over-dramatic, yet somehow identifiable, break-up scene... But instead you are forced to watch the romantic leads see each other from afar in some hazy, undefined "two years later" kind of deal as the Coltrane fades in and the credits roll. By the time 'Best Boy Grip' ascends up the screen, you're paralyzed in your reclining theater seat in awe of how you TOTALLY just wasted nine dollars. Needless to say... Don't bother with that one.

Moving on... Have you ever had one of those days that turn out to be completely meaningless? Aside from the whole needing to follow in the consecutive order of days thing... Today, for me, was void of all meaning. I woke up at 11, cleaned my house, watched Halloween movies on the ABC Family Channel, and that brings me to where I am now. Sitting at the computer, watching Saturday Night Live and feeling the need to update the old blog. You'd think I'd be doing something interesting and fun on the Saturday night before a major national holiday, but..alas... that is not the case. It's hard to believe that it was only two short years ago that 6 roommates and I were gallivanting around in our 80's gear rocking out to Firehouse's 'Love of a Lifetime' and singing along to Extreme's "More than words." To top that... it was only 15 short years ago that my best friend across the street and I were dressed in our 80's gear rocking out to Debbie Gibson's 'Lost in Your Eyes' and singing along with the New Kid's on the Block "Cover Girl." My how time flies when you're having fun.

But honestly...to quote a classic DMB song... Life is short but sweet for certain. A friend and I were discussing trick-or-treating and how kids these days choose to do their Halloween routes in shopping malls instead of taking it to the streets. To those of us born in the 1980's and prior that is a completely foreign idea. When this friend mentioned the fact that we were trick-or-treating fifteen-plus years ago... it blew my mind. I remember donning the costumes of Miss Piggy at the age of 6 and some sort of un-named vampire zombie at 11. Those Halloweens, and the ones in between, seem like just yesterday. It's hard to believe I am now in my own place preparing to hand out candy to the Miss Piggy's and un-named vampire zombies of today. SIDEBAR: You'd better believe that I'm giving out the good stuff. None of that crap from the five-pound variety bags they sell at Sam's club.

Anyway, it's crazy how quickly life can pass us by if we don't pay attention. If we don't stay in the moment... the moment has passed and we end up missing the next moment because we were bummed about missing the last one. It's a vicious cycle of moment missing and no one wants to live their life like that. I guess what my long-over-due point here is... Be Present. It sounds super cliche, but we were graciously given the gift of life AND the ability to live it. It would be foolish to take that for granted. Life is too much of a blessing to miss, don't you think?

Ok... SNL has ended and I am ready to hit the sack. Tonight is the night we gain an hour of sleep... But I won't get started on daylight-saving time... that's another bloc for another time :)

G*night friends,

Tempa Elizabeth

What a difference a year makes...

Thoughts from my journal on 9/06/04...

You knew how I felt, but liked how I made you feel more.
We were selfish and liked it that way.
You challenged me, pushed me pass my boundaries.
I challenged you, made you into someone you wanted to be.
You felt something, I knew you well enough to know.
I thought it was my time, the start of something real.
I loved the way you believed in me, but hated your doubt in us.
I wasn't smart enough. You were afraid.
I wasn't quiet enough. You were intimidated.
I wasn't pretty enough. You were concerned with you.
Somehow, I just wasn't enough.
My confidence weakened as yours grew strong and I was left at the bottom.
I was left insecure, confused, and more alone than when I started.
I stayed there, thinking you would come pick me up.
Much like I did for you so many times before.
As I stayed broken, you found something better.
I was replaceable. I was replaced.
Nothing has hurt me like that before.
Nothing has hurt me like that since.
I hope you never hurt like that.

The title of this entry says it all. What a different a year makes. It blows my mind that I still felt that much. I can't believe I still devoted that much of myself towards that chapter of my life only one year ago. The fact that I now rarely think about that situation and even, at times, consider it a positive time of change tells me a lot about the power of prayer. Can I get an AMEN!!

On a completely different note... I'd just like to go on record saying that the 340 million dollar Powerball jackpot is just ridiculous! What in the holy frijoles would one person do with 340 million dollars. No one needs that kind of money. Ever. HOWEVER... that will not stop me from spending 4 laundry quarters on a ticket at the local Super America! :)

Goodnight friends,
Temp

Reality Bites...

Good evening,

I know I've just recently updated this blog, but I've got more to say. The fact that there are constant thoughts racing around my head like the Indie 500 is both a blessing and a burden. I guess it just depends on whether or not you like to read this blog ;)

This afternoon, I was flipping through channels while lazily laying on the couch and came across the movie "Reality Bites". Now, if you were born anytime before 1990, you have heard and more than likely seen the coming of age generation X flick starring the infamous Winona Ryder. Although I do enjoy the soundtrack to that movie, while watching this afternoon I realized that somehow their documentary-making, sexuality-questioning, musing-philosophical life isn't really my reality... biting or otherwise. While their posteducation reality consisted of waiting for the results of AIDS tests and choosing between two very different love interests... my post education reality consists of singing with the elderly and choosing between coffee or green tea every morning. While chuckling at the horrible mid-90's stereotypes of the characters, I thought a bit about the differences in realities... mine and those of the people in the film. The biggest difference, aside from location and lifestyle of course, is perception. I think that one's perception of reality has a lot to do with how we interpret and react to reality.

I was watching a made for TV movie the other day (Yes, I realize that this entry makes it seem like I watch far too much television. Yes, I realize that is true) starring Tom Cavanaugh (the actor who played 'Ed'). The characters in this movie set up a psychological experiment where they dressed a woman up in typical homeless garb (dirty teeth, ratty clothes, shopping cart full of cans..etc) and had her approach people on the street. Only instead of asking for money she was asking if she could give money away. The people on the street still avoided her and turned her down saying they didn't have any cash on them. A prime example of how our perception is far more real at times than reality itself.

I think that idea can be directly applied to our 20-something lives. This is a weird time... a great time... but a weird time. 20-somethings across the world have finished school, found their calling, and set sail into adulthood. Upon our maiden voyage we have two options... we can embrace where life has taken us or we can yearn to be somewhere else. If we choose the first option, we see our reality in a positive way. Our life is now and we live it with positive perception. If we choose the latter, the perception of our lives would be incredibly different. We would spend the duration of our current lives wishing we were somewhere we are not. We would spend our 'now' waiting for our 'later' to start and that reality would, in fact, bite.

Alright, I think I have worn-out my welcome here tonight. Besides, it is nearing 12:30AM and I am fairly sick of hearing the "1-800-LUV-CHAT" commercials in the background. Someone should tell whomever writes the scripts for those after-hours commercials that I have no intention of calling for a good time, even if there are "tons of live, hot girls in my area".

Goodnight moon,
Tempa

A fool in love

Hi friends,

There are many solid truths in this world. The sky is blue. Commercials are annoying, and everyone loves Love. If we don't love love itself, we certainly love the idea of love. The thought of the breath-taking princess atop the stairs or the handsome prince on a white steed. The notion of being carried away by romantic passion is one of the most common storylines of today's film and literature. It feels good to be swept up in a rush of love, to be knocked off your feet by total and utter euphoria. Flowers smell sweeter. Food tastes better. Our walks somehow morph into a skip-like spring. Life is different.

Now, I hate to get all scientific and psychological on you, but those kind of reactions to a new relationship are the result of many chemical processes deep within the brain and those very reactions have a profound impact on other aspects of our lives. In fact love, much like other primary emotions (fear, anger..etc) can easily overwhelm us and cloud our judgment. How many times in my life have I done something completely irrational and impulsive on account of "love"? How many times in my life have I said something ridiculously absurd and then said it was the "love" talking? The answer to both questions is FAR to many. I think the key to knowing when this love we speak of so often is the real thing... is when we fall in love, but keep our smarts. Granted, there should always be some element of romantic tom-foolery; some sort of inane behavior done in the name of love... but this behavior should never compromise our good judgment.

Anyway, I'm not sure what made me think of that. I'm not currently a fool in love and I don't really have any friends at this current time that are foolishly loving anyone. I guess I just thought of it and wanted to write it down. Sue me :)

As for now... I think I will retire to my bedroom and get some much needed rest. It has been a busy week! In the last seven days I've been involved in 2 weddings, done 4 loads of laundry, put in 4 eight hour days at work AND applied to 3 part-time jobs. Needless to say, I'm tired.

Sleep is good,
tempa

humanity vs. humans

Hi friends,

I have just returned home from a wonderful weekend of celebration. Congratulations to Katie and Kyle Nelson! The Newlyweds!! I took one extra day off of work and I find myself wanting to update this blog with an entry that may have some actual thought-provoking intelligence behind it. There's been something I've been realizing lately, and I'd like to share my thoughts on the subject with all of you. So... without further ado...

Being in the city, and working in a human services type job has really given me a new perspective on life and what I appreciate about what life entails. If that makes any sense. I have slowly but surely come to realize that I have a love and a deep appreciation for humanity. So many times during the day I am nearly moved to tears by something that is beautifully human at it's core. An elderly couple holding hands during a WWII love song, a child giggling at her father's silly faces, the Vietnamese janitor working 14-hour days and and still cracking jokes to make the day brighter for others. I am touched by humanity, by the inherent good in people. Now, I know a lot of people would argue the fact that humans are inherently good... there is, of course, evidence to the contrary. War, violence, fear..these things have been around forever. But at the same time, ordinary people have been helping and serving and loving others since creation itself. It is that inherent humanitarianism that touches my heart and makes me want to do what I do for a living.

With that said, let me point out a concrete fact. Humanity and HUMANS are very, very different. As a whole, I am a people person. I love getting to know others; hearing about their backgrounds, learning their stories. I have a passion for people, but I often get thrown off by those who do not treat others in the same way. You know the people I am talking about... the guy who is awkwardly rude to the checker at the grocery store for no apparent reason, the woman who violently storms out of Hallmark when they don't accept her American Greetings coupons... those people. On a large scale, people are wonderful, mysterious beings, full of life and love, created for a purpose. However, seemingly, on a small scale, people are annoying, rude, short-tempered, self-centered idiots. Now, that's not to say I don't have my fair share of "bad days". Believe me, I do. I'm sure I've acted on the impulse of a short fuse once or twice in my twenty-three years of existence. I just wonder what about these select few (the man at the grocery, the woman at Hallmark...etc) make life so unhappy. What could possibly be so bad and how, in the light of giggling children and romantic grandparents, can you still be so angry?

Anyway, I think I've had a few too many encounters with that guy at the grocery store and it's just been on my mind. Now, I'm off to watch the rest of Dr. Phil and maybe take a nap to the audio wallpaper of the Serendipity DVD I (finally!) found at Blockbuster.

Hope your days are well,
Tempa

1:36AM

Very rarely do I type an entry into this blog that has absolutely no bearing on life (mine or otherwise), however tonight seems to be a different story. Here I sit, at 1:30 AM on the eve of the eve of my best friend's wedding and I can't sleep a wink. I'm not sure if it's the excitement that is keeping me awake, or if it's the fact that I had 6 cups of coffee between the hours of 5 and 10 PM. I'm guessing the latter. Regardless, I am awake. I am cold, I am bored... and I am awake.

What does one do when they are cold, bored and awake?? Well, One starts with closing the window. I'll get right on that...

Alright, now that just leaves me with bored and awake. It's funny because sleep would cure both of those woes... however the lack there of is what got me in front of this abnormally bright computer screen in the first place. Damn you irony!

I feel bad for people that are up at this time on a nightly basis. There's really nothing to do. I thought for sure there would be at least one made-for-TV movie starring Joely Fisher on one of the girly channels, but I got nothing! I can't even find a teen saga starring Tracy Gold and those are as common as gay men at Starbucks. (Shout out to my man Scottie P!!) All I can find is various paid programming, Making the band 3 or Cheaters. If that's all I got, I might as well just chew off my own arm or something because, at this point, that seems like my most enjoyable option.

Oh well.

So what's the deal with the world these days?? First there was Katrina, then Rita, then the chicken flu and all this flooding up in the northern midwest. Now, only to add to the madness, Tom and Katie are pregnant and Jessica and Nick are breaking up! I'm sure all of that is mentioned in the Bible somewhere! "My children will recognize the last days when thy Newlyweds shall part and the cherub from the creek whilst carry a child for a loon." I'm pretty sure I read that in Revelation or something.

Seriously Katie, Tom Cruise?? He's sooooo 1992 AND incredibly short... neither of which are compliments. I didn't take you for "that girl", Ms. Holmes. You're not Hollywood.. you're from Toledo!! Snap out of it!!

Alright... we are nearing 2:15am and I am nearing the end of this coffee-triggered tightrope I am currently walking. I fear I will say something I regret if I keep typing willy-nilly. Yes, that's right. Willy-Nilly. I said it. Deal with it.

Plus, I have to drive a few hundred miles in the morning followed by a whirlwind wedding weekend (say that 10 times fast!), so I should at least try to get some sleep. And honestly, now that Jessica and Nick hopped on board the express train to Splitsville... nothing is really worth staying awake for :)

Goodnight friends, I'll be thought-provoking again soon enough.
Tempa

What Men need to know about Women

Hi everyone,
I thought I would come to the keyboard tonight with something very intellectual to talk about, but as I sit and type I am slowly realizing that may not be the case. However, I do have something rather important to say. Over the past few days, I have listened to many a male friend talk (and by talk I mean complain) about how they don't understand women. I realize that we can be a complicated breed, but if you'd just pay attention it wouldn't be that hard!! Because I am all about helping people out, I thought I would write this blog for the boys. Here are a few things you need to know about us girls. Now, this is by no means a complete list and every woman is, of course, different than the one before... but this list should give you a good understanding of where we are so often coming from. So guys... put down your I-pods and Xbox controllers for just one second and pay attention!!

Women are not as independent as you are.
Let's be honest, you love the mystery of the rugged woodsman. The 'Malboro Man', although outdated, intrigues you. Sure, it's cliche, but it's true... you can't help but envy the tough-minded, lone cowboy who reports to nobody as he freely rides about the range. However, women, for the most part couldn't give a horse's hoo-hah about reveling in their independence. Granted, we enjoy the idea of the self-sufficient, do-it-yourself, don't-need-nobody kind of woman, but when that idea manifests itself into reality, it's a little frightening. Just as we are threatened by a challenge to our independence (aka: You, hinting at the fact that we can't do something), so are women threatened by a rupture in their relationships (aka: You, hinting at the fact you'd like some 'alone time'). What I'm saying is don't expect women to fully accept your "need for space." Don't expect us to romanticize your independence because your independence ultimately means our lack of relationship and that, boys, is far from romantic. Instead, do yourself (and your relationship) a favor...bite the bullet and let them know you value the relationship even when you feel the need to "ride the range".

Women focus on the here-and-now more than you do.
Now, that is not entirely true when it comes to planning for our fairy tale wedding with our fairy tale prince. We start that by age five, at least. BUT while you guys are scheming plans and solving complex budget problems in order to plan for a better tomorrow, we are more than likely asking ourselves, "What's going on right now and how do I feel about it?" As women, we focus on current feelings and current experiences because those are what make us feel emotionally connected to one another. Although we do think towards the future when it comes to our personal lives (albeit those thoughts are usually less than realistic), we are more than likely thinking about how we are affected by what is happening right now. The bottom line is that if you want to get down to solving problems for the future with the women in your life, you must first take the time to explore her feelings about the present. Seemingly foolish, I know... but necessary.

Women are not as competitive as you are.
Growing up, boys played games in large groups and those games had an extreme emphasis on winning. Competition, might as well be your middle name. Little girls, however, played together in small, intimate groups, with an emphasis on cooperation and friendship. Our middle names would be something like "harmony" or "togetherness". More often than not those same emphases follows both genders into adulthood. As men, you still want to prove your point, keep score, and win the debate (even if no one else knew they were debating) while women are more likely to sacrifice their own superiority to keep the peace. Women, more often than not, will bow out gracefully if it will avoid any type of confrontation. It's not that one mode is necessarily better than the other; they both definitely have their strengths and weaknesses. But, you should know this... although some women find that competitive spirit a bit attractive at times, it should not be a dominant character trait. Too much competition can easily make a woman (anyone for that matter) feel insuperior and that is never a good feeling. Again... a bottom line... if you want to build a healthy relationship you have to honor our cooperative nature. Pick your battles and realize that not everything is a Win or Lose kinda thing.

Lastly...
All we really want is to be loved.
I realize that sounds so cliche and borderline ridiculous, but even if we don't admit to it or put up a concrete facade to the contrary... it is very, very true. We can act as if being alone is fine... we can pretend that we are completely content with our romantic comedies and our low-fat vanilla latte's, but that is just not the case. Companionship, in it's purest form, is what we all seek. We want a dozen roses delivered to work, just because it's Monday. We want pointless messages on our voice mail beginning with "It's me" and ending with "I love you". We want night's out to be just as special as night's in. In reality, the only thing that you guys need to know about us is that, above all else, we want to love and be loved. And, now that I think about it, that's not all that different from you.

Slumber calls,
Tempa