Gimmie that Old Time Religion...

Hello there,

The reason why I entitled this blog 'gimmie that old time religion' is two-fold. A) It is the title of a hit gospel tune from quite awhile ago and B) after just returning home from seeing the new romantic comedy "Must Love Dogs" (sidebar: It's cute. I'd recommend it), I've realized that things just aren't like they used to be.... and I really wish they were.

Things... and I'm talking about the important things... are just different these days. Religion is different. Love is different. Movies are different. Music is different...the list goes on. As I sat in the theater tonight it dawned on me. Things have changed and even though I wasn't really around for 'things' prior to the change... I wish they had stayed the same. I don't know if many of you are familiar with the works of John Cusak, but I love him. I loved him in High Fidelity, loved him more in Serendipity and tonight my love for Mr. Cusak was topped off with Must love Dogs. One of the main reasons I am drawn to his movies (besides of course his distinguished yet childish good looks and unbelievably dry humor) is because he seems to choose movies that are honest. Really true-to-life movies. Movies about love or lack there of. Movies with wit and joy that manage to touch the heart without even trying. A wash in a sea of sex-filled 'made for teen' movies and Japanese horror remakes, these kind of movies, Cusak or not, are rare. I haven't seen many of the good old black and whites like Casablanca or It's a Wonderful Life, but I have a feeling that those are just honest movies, too.
That's the same with today's music. Where did all the truth go?? I often find myself listening to the smooth voice of Harry Connick, Jr. and, although, I assume some of my affections towards the handsome crooner come from the fact that my father is also a fan, I can't help but think his songs are as honest as a good Cusak movie. Granted, in a way, maybe today's music IS honest but because society changed so much the truth changed with it. In fifty years, instead of classics like "Days of wine and roses" or "Let me call you Sweetheart" we'll have classics like "She thinks my tractor's sexy" and "Drop it like it's hot". I'm not looking forward to that! Maybe my thoughts tonight come from spending most of my time with the elderly. Eight hours a day around folks no younger than 70 can make a girl yearn for the 'good old days' (even if her good ol' days were in 1996). I just really wish life was like that still. I'm sure they had their fair share of hangups back when love was choosing "your song" on the jukebox and religion was more prevalent than Christmas Eve and Easter, but I can't help but wonder if I have a heart that would have beat a little faster back in the day.

Oh well, I'm living my life now and loving it... and until someone invents a time machine to take me back to 1943, I'll have to settle for Connick and Cusak. Quite frankly... I'll take them ;)

Peace, Love, and the Good Old Days~
Tempa

Fear... who needs it.

Hi friends,

I have just returned from an eventful wedding weekend in Iowa. A good friend got himself a wifey this weekend and it was a joy to share in that experience. Like I said in a previous blog entry, however, his wedding was a bittersweet reminder that I am no where NEAR a wedding of my own. As I sat in the creaking wooden pew of a Catholic church this weekend, my realizations were two-fold.
1) Catholic weddings are far longer than need be
2) Being single, I find myself fearful of many things

In this life, we all have certain fears. As toddlers, we are afraid of the dark and the lack of training wheels. We get older and those fears fade into new fears... things like thunderstorms, snakes, and spiders. Life keeps trudging forward and we find ourselves fearing things like the unknown after graduation or leaving the comfort of our own home. Now, I find myself facing not only the life-long fear of fog (don't ask... just read), but also some fears I credit to being single. These fears are not knee-knocking, palm-sweating, tear-jerking fears like some others may be, but instead they usually persist as a faint churning in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid of always being "that girl" in a crowd of couples. I'm afraid of missed opportunities and blown chances. I'm afraid of receiving yet another "Tempa and Guest" invitation and having to reply with a 1 on the Number Attending line. I'm afraid of doing my taxes, paying a mortgage, and planning my retirement by myself. I'm afraid of close friends moving on after they have found "the one", leaving me alone...again. In a sentence, although I am a bit ashamed to admit it, I'm afraid I'll never get married. Go ahead and mock me, if you wish, but I know you've all feared the same thing at some point.

On the long drive home from the reception, I found myself in a conversation about fear. Granted, this was more along the lines of haunted-house-spirits-from-the-other-side kind of fear, but it relates. As we were spooking ourselves out along highway 380, a friend reminded me of the message of the Bible. The message that perfect love drives out fear. (1st John 4:18) Since the fall in the Garden, fear has had the tendency to overtake our minds and leave us motionless. As one of Satans key weapons, fear threatens to destroy contentment. The message of the Bible, however, is that our hope and faith in Jesus drives out all fear. At times, I find it difficult for me to see the happiness of others and remain confident that a similar source of contentment will also come my way. It is easy to witness the union of friends and let your mind wander. You start at joy, then envy, then self-pity, then fear. It is only through Christ that fear is driven out and we remain, no matter how lengthy the wedding, at joy.

Goodnight,
Tempa

Green grass grows all around...

Hello again,

I feel as if we just spoke, yet I am filled to the brim with things to speak about again. I know I have mentioned it before, but I like to write to you as if we were already in the middle of a conversation. It is somehow comforting knowing that we can pick up from where we left off. Thanks for that.

We have all heard the classic "...grass is always greener..." cliche, but rarely do I take the meaning of that overused phrase to heart. Nine times out of ten my grass, in my opinion, is the greenest... or at least no less green than the grasses of those around me. Tonight, however, I struggle to keep up that confidence. Tonight, I am finding it hard to sustain the "I love my own grass" mentality. This sudden dip in self-confidence is brought about by many different aspects of my life. I am continuously awe-struck by the residents that I serve at work, but I can't help but envy those of my friends who spend the school years with children and the summers with a good book and a Mai-Tai. Although I grow wiser with each passing day working with the elderly.... I can't help but think there are pearls of childhood wisdom that I am daily missing out on. It is that lack of wisdom combined with my next confidence-dwindling fact that causes my well-manicured lawn to appear a bit on the brown side. This weekend is the wedding of a dear friend of mine...a dear friend, mind you, that I have quite a history with. Don't get me wrong... that specific chapter of my life has been closed for a while, but at a time like this, I can't help but open it back up and give it a good once over before promptly closing it once again. Now, in realizing I should invest in some sort of padlock for said chapter, I have come to terms with the fact that this will be interesting event to say the least. I am extremely happy for this friend of mine, but his upcoming nuptials are yet another reminder that the only thing upcoming in my life is the thick line of vanilla scented smoke billowing from the candle I just blew out. Bebo Norman said it best in his lyrics "Today I woke up early, Today I woke up sad. It's funny how it hurts me this love I've never had." I talk often of the joys of being 23 and single, but when people you love (or loved...*ahem*...) are finding the joys of being 23 and married... it's pretty difficult to muster up the strength to keep watering that lawn.

Confidence is a crazy game. I've always been a confident girl. Even as a child I would make friends, break hearts, and dominate on the Teatherball court. It is now, in the real world, that I find confidence to be the hardest to gain and easiest to lose. My challenge for you, for me... for all of us... is to continue to maintain our grass. No matter what the neighbors lawn may look like or how brown ours may seem... with a little drop of confidence...the Grass can only get greener.

Blessings,
Tempa

Happiness...

Hello friends,

We've all heard it before... "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". The famous quote from our founding fathers contains three of the most coveted freedoms in this life. But if we are being honest (which I hope we are)... we really care the most about the last one. After more than two centuries of 'pursuing happiness', shouldn't we have found it by now? We ought to be the happiest people in the word, but instead, as a whole, we are perhaps the most wealthy, most educated, unhappiest people on the planet. I've come to realize that may be because the above mentioned pursuit can be like chasing a greased pig, which, by the way... I've never actually done. The slimy porkers dash about promising the end result of happiness. Television, being the 'reality' that it is, tells us that the right toothpaste, the right gym shoes, and the right bottled water are the be-all-end-all to happiness. Of course we, being far smarter than that, know that if we can just find the right job, the right friends, and that special someone then we'll be happy. But, alas, we won't. Here's how I see it... the problem with the pursuit of happiness is that, much like the greased pig, the goal seemingly keeps moving. Today happiness may be found in those new baby blue Adidas, but tomorrow we may find it in the yellow jeep wrangler passing us to the left. Regardless of where we think we may find this elusive happiness, we've got the pursuit all wrong. We continue to chase fulfillment and satisfaction in places they will never be found. The baby blue Adidas may make my size 9 1/2 feet look like 7's, and that Jeep Wrangler may have been my dream car since the early age of 12.... but I'm not going to find my happiness there. Nor will I find it once I have the "Hilton lifestyle", or my own coffee shop, or the 'tall, dark and handsome' that has been in my dreams since before the Jeep. I know it may sound ridiculously cliche.... true happiness is found in the Lord. My pursuit ends with Christ. And, although don't really know a darn thing about our forefathers, I do know that in Christ we find life, liberty, and best of all... happiness.

The way I see it is that the endless pursuit of happiness will truly be endless until we place our hope in something greater than ourselves. In order to be lifted from the empty hole we have dug ourselves with our lofty dreams of grandeur, we must recognize the need for faith... the need for a Savior. And only in that recognition, only in that need, are we able catch ourselves on heck of a greased pig!!


In His Grip,
Tempa

Childhood Ambition

Good evening,

I realize that many of my recent blogs have been about my life and the path I may or may not be taking. I also realize that the probability of you caring about the pathways of my life are slim to none. But I will continue to write about them because, afterall, what are blogs for if not to voice certain toughts and frustrations about the pathways of ones life :)

Tonight, I find myself remembering the innocence of childhood ambition. Let's be honest, I am only 23 years old and by no means does being 23 justify spats of contemplative reminiscence, but sometimes I just can't help myself. This afternoon I found myself sitting at my desk, completing necessary Medicare paperwork and I realized that necessary Medicare paperwork isn't something that I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Then what, I asked myself, DO I want to be doing for the rest of my life? I can honestly say, at this point, that I have no idea. But... I can also say that I am 100% OK with that. In talking about my future plans, I couldn't help but think about what I thought I wanted to be as a child.

If you had asked me 'what do you want to be when you grow up' at the platinum blonde age of 4, I would have answered in a resounding "JEM!!". But if you traveled a bit past the Barbie and the Rockers days, I would have supplied you with answers such as Nancy Drew, Debbie Gibson, Oprah...etc. Up until the age of 12, I would have given you bigger-than-life answers to a real-to-life question. What ever happened to that little-kid passion for achieving the impossible?? When did little boys stop putting their underwear on the outside and towels around their necks, acting as the hero from their favorite comic? When did little girls stop donning old fashioned jewelry and stepping into their mother's old heels, acting as the princess from their bedtime stories? When, in our lives, do we stop wishing for impossible goals and start aiming for realistic targets? As children, we dream of a bigger-than-life existence, but somewhere between three and twenty-three.... we lose our gusto. We loose our "oomph" to keep shooting for the proverbial stars. Why, as adults, do we give up so easily on the bigger-than-life??

Tonight, I wish for you that your childhood dreams are reawakened. In short, don't forget about the "barbie and the rocker days" and the inner-Superman in all of us will surface (although I'd leave the underoo's on the inside).

Goodnight,
Tempa

Simple Plan...

For those of who thought I would be talking about the band, Sorry to disappoint you... I'm not. I'm talking about my life.

I would say that I am a fairly average woman. Nothing to write home to mom about (unless of course you're my mom and then you'll expect some letters). Those who know me, know I'm not super intelligent. I'm pretty logical, but my book smarts isn't at hot-shot caliber. I am not a terribly complex person nor do I have a one-track mind. I'm pretty sarcastic when I want to be, but deep and insightful to those whom I trust. I can sing along to the radio and talk on the phone while driving... but only to a certain extent. I am not very ambitious or a particularly high achiever. I consider myself fairly crafty, but only to prevent utter and complete boredom. NOTE: It does not take much to bore me. I am not exceptionally beautiful. Pretty enough for my guy friends to consider dating me, yet not pretty enough to keep them from moving on when someone prettier catches their eye. Overall, I'd like to think I am a fairly simple person. A simple woman who wants simple things.

HOWEVER... I'd be a simple liar if I didn't admit to you that I have quite a few not-so-simple desires. I'd like to work in a place where I feel I can grow, but not have to start at the bottom. I'd like to have a job that pays well enough to support my rather impulsive lifestyle. To be doing something that I love and still be paid well enough for movies, starbucks, random shopping outings and the monthly rent of an apartment that is free of ant infestations. I want a 'You've Got Mail' style walk-up brownstone with wooden floors and red brick walls. I want to be better at song-writing. I want to write songs that mean something... not just to me, but to the people that hear them. Songs that seemingly connect me with people that would have otherwise remained unknown. I want to own a coffee shop, somewhere I can befriend the neighborhood patrons and have open-mic nights every Friday. Own a place where people are free to create and perform whatever they are feeling while others sit back and experience while sipping on their large decaf mochas and raspberry iced teas. I want a simple husband. Who doesn't mind if I want to sleep in on Saturdays. A man who helps with the dishes, who sings out loud at church, and who thinks I'm funnier than I do. A simple man with a simple faith who finds my unexceptional beauty rather exceptional.

So yes... I'll admit it. I am a simple woman with not-so-simple ideals for my life. I guess... in theory, that makes me some sort of walking oxymoron...but in reality, that makes me who I am. The dichotomy of it all, though it seems outrageous, is yet another thing that makes me fairly average.

For now, I am going to take my fairly average self and head to bed. I have the day off tomorrow and I plan to clean up my apartment in hopes to rid myself of the previously mentioned ant infestation. (Don't be jealous) It's hard to believe it's already Wednesday, not to mention already July 5th. Where does the time go?? :)

Goodnight friends,
tempa