Unrealistic

Hi there,

When we were children, we dreamt of our lives as adults. My dreams often included a quaint brownstone in Greenwich Village and an artsy occupation in the city. Sometimes, I was married with a young daughter named Sara (without an "H") and other times I'd spend my days trading beauty secrets and celebrity gossip with the closest of girlfriends. Regardless of what my specific daydreams included back then, I always thought adulthood would be more than rent checks and the evening news. Now that I am living the adulthood I once dreamt of, I find myself frustrated about what it has actually turned out to be.

I moved here with these fancy plans of grandeur. I came with the thought that the moment I became an adult my life would finally "take off". Well, I've been in The Cities for about 2 months now and it seems I am still waiting in line on the runway. I realize that it's fairly crazy to think that balancing your checkbook or buying your own toilet paper will somehow propel your life into the kind of adulthood we see in movies. I know that a 40 hour work week won't automatically give me the adulthood I've always dreamt of, but I can't help but wish it would. What I wouldn't give to have the life of Kathleen Kelly in 'You've got Mail' or Jonathan Trager in 'Serendipty'. Their lives seems so glamorous and on-track. They work in bookstores and coffee houses while living in urban high-rises. They have successful relationships and dinner plans on the weekends while I'm here in a one-bedroom apartment alternating chicken quesadillas and frozen pizzas every night still hoping to make some more connectable connections in the area. The serendipitous You've Got Mail adulthood seems so easy to achieve. I am quickly learning things that seem easy to achieve are quite difficult when actually attempted. Some call me an eternal optimist, other's a classic romantic.... call me what you will, but at this point, I'm going to call myself unrealistic.

Until next time,
Tempa

"No mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." Isaiah 46:6

continuing from earlier...

Two blogs.... one night. I'm on fire!!

Ok, well I am feeling mighty verbose and I am in of those emotional, over-analyze, sap-tastic kind of moods this evening. I think it may be because of the weather. It's one of those nights that people write about. The kind when air just smells clean. A night perfectly constructed for hand-in-hand walks to the neighborhood park and deep conversations on the kiddy-swings under the stars. Those kind of nights make me sappy no matter how emotional I may or may not be.

So, as I previously stated... I am feeling quite verbose this evening. Although some might say that I am quite "wordy" all the time ;) Tonight, though, I don't really have any exciting news or entertaining stories to share with you and I don't feel exceptionally drawn to any of the current news stories. Briteny's preggo... whooptie-doo. There's crap going on in the government that shouldn't be.... shocking! We have a new Pope... I'm not catholic. I guess I'm not really feeling anything right now but sappiness and contemplation (can you feel contemplation??? Oh well, I can!) And what do verbose girls that are sappy and contemplative do? They write... so that is what I will do. I will write more about what I talked of in the last blog entry. Love... overhyped, kinda unrealistic, perfectly scripted Love :)

To him who waits,

Tonight, I wonder.
I wonder about friendships and photography,
music and the ability to create all three.
About life and loving it, about love and living it.
There are many things I wonder, and many things I know.
I know you are the one.
The one who will know my eyes when they are sad
and make me laugh when you recognize my eyes.
The one who will hold my door, my hand, and my heart.
The one who will call "just because".
and the one who will answer just because I call.
I know you are the one.
The one who, when you were born, the Lord said... "that's him"
and the one, from across the room, will think... "that's her".
Tonight, I wonder, but I do not worry
For there are many things I know.

Goodnight,
Tempa

Sucker for love

Hi friends,

As I sit here watching an incredibly cheesy yet shamefully adorable romantic comedy that I DVR'd from the ABC Family Channel, I've realized that I am a sucker for love. I'm talking a melt into a pile of human mush kind of sucker. And although I think I will be a sucker for real-life God given love... at this point, I am only talking about overhyped, kinda unrealistic, perfectly scripted TV love. While I am at work every day, I DVR the tv show "Ed". They are just now getting to the episodes where the main characters Ed and Carol (who have coincidentally been friends for years) are realizing their love for one another. I find myself rushing home from work to see what amazingly adorable things await me on my digital video recorder. I've come to the conclusion that I live vicariously through love stories I see on television. Not like Briteny and Kevin or Demi and Ashton love stories. Like I said, I'm talking Carol Vessey and Ed Stevens perfectly scripted love. I think my love will be perfectly scripted someday. Granted, that may be setting some fairly high expectations for whomever that love will come from... but still... it will be. I know it will be.

OK, well as much as that small snippet of a blog sucked... that's pretty much all I have to say this afternoon. I am going to make dinner and then settle in for the American Idol kick-off show. Gotta love watching someone's dreams die on national television ;)

Have a great day~
Tempa

Birthdays in the real world

So, yesterday was my twenty-third birthday. Although I had a wonderful day, I realized that, unfortunately, birthdays are forced to lose their luster once you enter into the real world. I am the first to admit that I am an eternal toddler when it comes to my birthday. I start a countdown months in advance, I give verbal reminders any chance I have, and I start checking the mail for Hallmark stickers come April 1st. I want presents and parties and an ice-cream cake with my name on it. I want balloons and greasy pizza and bowls of unnecessary snack food. I will always want people to approach my birthday with the same attitude as a father planning a pony princess party for his five year old daughter. Birthdays are a big deal; a definite cause for celebration and a wonderful excuse to have a great time regardless of one's age. I realized yesterday that not everyone shares my excitement for birthdays. I realized yesterday that the "real world" doesn't include bowls of unnecessary snack food for pony princess parties. It does include, however, a package from your parents and an 89 cent birthday card from Wal-Mart signed by your co-workers.

It's hard to believe I am already twenty-three. I can remember when I was a kid and my babysitter was sixteen. She would do gymnastics back and forth across our living room floor and talk to her boyfriend on the phone when I was (supposed to be) sleeping. I always thought she was so mature, so grown-up. I thought that high school was the be-all-end-all of young adult existence. In my six year old mind, anything after high school was 'Mom'. I remember watching 90210 or Saved by the Bell: The College Years and thinking the characters were so adult. It's hard to believe I am now older than Steve when he worked at the Peach Pit or Zack and Kelly when they got married in Las Vegas. It's fun and exciting, but hard to believe.

Now, I know some people who would get kinda freaked out about turning twenty-three, but in my opinion... I am pretty darn stoked to see what this new year of my life will bring. Who knows where I will be as I turn twenty-four? Who knows how I will get there and who knows who I will get there with? Those are all questions I am excited to find the answers to. I have no idea where I will be next year on April 15th, but I do know that there will be parties and presents and an ice-cream cake with my name on it!

Happy Birthday to me,
Tempa

In the words of Jessica Simpson... "23 is almost 25, and 25 is almost half way to 30" :)

Thoughts on a Parable

Wow, it's been a while since we've talked. I sort of just left you hanging. oops :) Well, I had a wonderful weekend in Iowa. It's crazy how when you are in college, everyone that has graduated tells you that you will miss being in college once you've graduated... but you never really realize how much you actually do miss it until you are telling people that they will miss being in college once they've graduated. Crazy. Just crazy.

So, I was between music therapy sessions at work this afternoon when I decided to play guitar for a bit. I have been working on a song about the parable of the lost son for a few months now. Luke 15:11-32 in song-form. It's been one of those pieces that I just can't seem to get right. The tune is boring, the words don't fit... sometimes I can't find the words at all. After working at it for a while this evening, I finally got frustrated and washed my proverbial hands of the whole thing. It was only then that the Lord found the words for me. I'm finding more and more truth in the fact that once you let go of something, God will do amazing things with it. Well, while I was writing down the lyrics that were spoken to me... I had a bit of a revelation. I will do my best to explain that revelation to you.

In Luke, Jesus tells us of a father who splits his estate evenly between his two sons. The older son is quite responsible with his share of the estate, while the younger son flees to a distant land and squanders his money on the so-called "high life". After wasting away his share of his father's estate and being struck with famine, the younger son recognizes his sinful mistake and realizes it would have been far wiser to stay at home with his father. As the younger son returns, the father and his servants rejoice. The older son quickly grows jealous and is told to join in the celebration for his brother was lost but now is found.

While, I was putting that story into music, I realized that I am the younger son. I escape to distant lands and squander my share of the estate on the "high life". The younger son was given a more than generous gift from his father. He took that gift for granted, and wasted it while seeking happiness in other things. Only later he finds out that the only happiness he needed was at home with his father. It hit me like a brick tonight, how directly that applies to my life! have been given the greatest gift of all (sounds cliche, but it's true) and I continue to search for enjoyment elsewhere. I continue to seek happiness in other things... in relationships, in success, in material things. The gift my Father has given me is eternal life in Christ. Much like the young son, I take that gift for granted and seek fulfillment in other things. Later, I realize my sinful ways and recognize that the only true fulfillment I can ever have is through eternal life in Christ. I have a feeling that, back in the day, the Younger Son and I would have been dating.:)

Now I realize it's possible that others of you may have already had this realization. Perhaps it's not the most original thought... but it was new to me and it is definitely something that I needed to be reminded of.

I hope you are all having great weeks.

Talk soon,
Tempa

Soundtrack of my life

Hi there,

So, I was driving to a friends house the other day and a great song came on the radio. I'm not sure who wrote it or when its from exactly... but I know it was a classic. There's nothing quite like driving down the interstate, singing along with a good power ballad. While ignoring the stares and giggles of cars around me (as I am sure they were commenting on the fact that I was clearly belting within the confines of my own vehicle), I started to think about how many good power ballads I have actually performed within the confines of my own vehicle.

You know in movies, where the main character is driving or taking a train or a bus or something... they'll be staring out the window and a good power ballad will slowly fade in over the video montage of old love or faded memories. The main character always watches the scenery pass her by while seemingly thinking about how insignificant she is in comparison to the world she is driving through. Well, during the twelve hour drives from Cleveland to Iowa, I was that main character. I'd gaze out the window sifting through memories of the last 22 years. I'd stare at the scenery as it passes me by and wonder if things within the scenery are staring at me, too. I was empowered. I felt strong being alone. Not only ready to take on the six hundred and fifty miles of interstate 80, but ready to conquer the world. Perfectly content just driving and singing. Perfectly content to just be.

Living here, on my own, I feel the same empowerment. I feel that same strength. Sometimes, when I am hanging pictures on the walls or making my bed in the mornings, I hear that power ballad come to the forefront of the movie that is my life in Minneapolis. When I'm cleaning it's something like Briteny Spears or an uptempo 80's rock ballad. That's when the movie-goer would see me using my Turbo-vac as a microphone and wiping the mirror to the beat of Girls just wanna have fun! When I am hanging photographs or chatting on the telephone... the finger-picked guitar riffs of Green Day's Time of your life would bring the sensitive viewer to tears, while making those who do not appreciate the over-used cliched power ballad leave the theater in disgust. So many more songs accompany so many different aspects of my life here. With every new experience comes a new tune and with every new tune, a new joy.

In a way, it's hard to believe I have almost 23 years of songs stored up in this melon that rests atop my body. But then, I realize that it is those very songs that are my memories. When I am 60 years old and my grandson flips past the oldies station as I am driving him to karate or soccer or some yet-to-be-invented afterschool sporting event... I will hear a snippet of Avril's I'm with You or Hoobastank's The Reason and I will remember. I will remember the times when I was strong and empowered and I will be content. Content to drive. Content to Sing. Content to Just Be.

Goodnight, Tempa